The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
