Cold hands, warm shart.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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