I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
