I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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