who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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