this boner is exhausting
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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