i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
