I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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