According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
no you cant smoke seaweed
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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