I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
