thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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