I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
