HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
