I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
