just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
