I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
