I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
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Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
