I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
