I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
