Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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