idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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