my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
grandma shit on top of the toilet
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize