Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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