I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
