You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize