I feel like abortions should bother me more
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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