I must be too annoying 4 u.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
