Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
