Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's shark week go big or go home
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
