I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Rumble strips road head = magical
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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