I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
