I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
