i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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