Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
