i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
