I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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