what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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