turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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