In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
