Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
