Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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