I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
