You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
