so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
