I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
