It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
