I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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