the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
