im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
