Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
