I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I will pee on everything he values.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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