i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
