Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
