I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
vagina is talking i cant
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
