So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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