Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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