his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
