I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
