I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize