He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
