before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
