I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
