Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
