As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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