I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
