3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
