he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
