he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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