Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
