Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
